MoJo

Right, having kicked my own arse I now feel in a position of strength again. I'm gonna stand in my truth and face up to a few facts. I need to live in the now, forget about what has gone before, appreciate the love I have and realise the thing I thing I want is never going to happen. I am strong, I'm back in the room and it's game on! Watch out world I have my mojo back!

Getting the jitters

David turned to me in the car tonight and asked me why I was so sad. We both decided it was because its coming up to that time of the year when I have to go for my annual mammogram and check up. I don't think the cancer has come back, but I've had an itchy boob recently and that's how we discovered it in the first place.

What I have decided though is that I'm not going to book anything until after our summer holidays, in the scheme of things a couple of months isn't going to hurt. Now I've faced what's bugging me and I can on with the serious business of enjoying my life.

I love my job, I work with people who make me laugh and daily I feel confidence returning. In other news my beautiful boy is coming to stay .....well he's not a boy anymore he's a grown man...but he's still good for a cuddle and he's got a wicked sense of humour too. He's gonna house sit for us whilst we are away ......when I asked him if he would be bored on his own he soon said no and that he's looking forward to the break. I know the lovely neighbours will look after him well.

Had another bad dream tonight...but maybe now I know what's really eating me up I'll settle down.......time will tell.

Love at first sight and aching bums!

My bum hurts, yes my bum. I blame the beast and a certain gorgeous young man for abusing me far too often this week. I also fell widely in love on the way home from work last night, I was so gobsmacked I had to cut short a call. I'm sure he'll understand. It really was love at first sight. Of you know the M4 like I know the M4 there is a point which goes up quite high and there are normally a bunch of cows in the fields. Last night there were a bunch of cows with their babies.....it was so so beautiful it actually took my breath away. Today has been a strange one. Found myself crying in the middle of the afternoon. It was a songs fault.....it brought back vivid memories and stirred emotions that I thought were long buried. I suppose that when you've loved someone it never really goes away, and I did love that man. He was the closest thing to a lover I had. Like I've said to friends, love comes in the strangest forms and at the strangest times.never turn any love away as you never know when the next lot will turn up. On that note I'm off to the shop to feed my love of food.

Spray tans, sticky carpets and dirty minds!

As you know I've been a bit fed up recently , probably all this rainy weather , and I needed a much needed boost. This is where the lovely Katie Jones comes in, not only is she a right good laugh she's also one of the few people I would trust to see me naked at the moment. And that's exactly what she did. What a laugh - a spray tan! Always wanted to give it a go but didn't want to end up looking like a valleys chav. There's a bit of a stigma about spray tans around here , they don't look good, they are for cougars (bit more on that later) or big chested, lardy arsed valley slappers. When Katie suggest I give it a try it took me months to finally pluck up the courage. My decision was made by my lovely team, well not actually made by them but I thought they would be brutally honest with me if it all went tits up. Katie turned up with her pop up tent, I grabbed me an old pair of pants and then the deed was done. Amongst much laughter and gossip I stood they whilst she spray painted me, I went into the tent looking like a mini with a broken headlight and came out feeling like a Ferrari! Confidence is a funny old thing and there are tricks we can play to coax it out from behind the sofa and I had just found a new one! Result ...this will be happening again. Oh , and the verdict from the team was that I looked great! Talking of the team , 10 smashing guys and 2 lovely girls that are spread over the 4 corners of the country. They work hard and don't see each other that often but when they do it's a blast. I've only been with them for a few months but they've given me a new lease of life and make me laugh like a drain. I'm the oldest person in the team , but I'm deffo not their Mother or babysitter......in fact I'm obviously gonna have an affair ! David wishes he's had a £ for every time this one has come up over the years. Its sad that people don't understand friendships between men and woman, I've got great male friends and we don't have to sleep together , except for Dav Stanley of course, but that was just a conference thing......and I ended up with a contagious disease ....the flu! Being such a cougar I surprised myself by going home early after taking the team out on Thursday , totally nothing to do with my age but deffo to do with the fact I've never liked clubs with sticky floors or where you couldn't get a decent glass of fizz. Team enjoyed it though , some maybe a little to much. Next time I think we'll do something a little low key :) My PT will be turning up this morning and he'll be amazed when I show him my latest purchase ........I am now the proud owner of a cross trainer. Some people hide them away in their bedroom , not me - it's pride of place in the dining room next to the booze cabinet, how apt!!!!! Oh, must remind David to take a full length photo for me to send off for my Woman's magazine thing.....yep MacMillian Cancer have put me forward for another article, they need a 50 year old cancer survivor for a piece so that'll be me then!!! Let's hope they don't want a novelty shot! Hahahahaha!

SHIT HAPPENS!

It's been one of those shitty weeks ! My healthy eating was ok but my alcohol intake was stupidly high ...lol! Oh well , that was last week this is this :) I'm not gonna beat myself up as I've already come so far.

Just been listening to a very good article on cancer survival rates, so I thought I should investigate mine. Not looking too bad so I should be here a bit longer.

What a week and it's nowhere near over!

Ever wondered what perpetual motion must feel like? Well that's been me so far this week.
Monday - travelled by train from Cardiff to Birmingham , spent all day doing account visits , got the train to Preston. Checked in at hotel and spent 30 minutes in the mini gym ....that's what travelling does for me!
Tuesday - travelled by train form Preston to York , did account visits and travelled back to Preston , spent 40 minutes on a bike in the mini gym.
Wednesday - travelled from Preston back to Cardiff. I'm home and gonnaut my feet up for an hour before I start work.

In other news I've joined a great Facebook group , they'll know who they are as they've been supporting me every step of the way in a very difficult week. I am strong , I CAN do this!